The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
