Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
