after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
