So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
