Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
