That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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