He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
