Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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