There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
