The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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