Are we in a gay sports bar?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize