i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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