im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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