Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
