somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize