Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
