Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
