I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
