I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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