I just threw up on my dentist
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
