I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
