this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
