i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
