I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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