why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
