You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
