All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
