You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
