If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
