I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
