She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
