Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
