my mouth tastes like poor choices
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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