You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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