..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
