I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
