it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize