you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
