Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
