We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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