well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
