I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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