i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
