it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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