i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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