I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
