im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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