I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
