So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
