There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
