I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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