Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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