The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize