Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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