Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
