She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
