she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i believe in u and ur pee
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
