Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
