you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
