She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
