i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
