I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
