love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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