You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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