One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
