Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
