just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
