State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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