Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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