You can't motorboat a personality
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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