If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
