just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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