i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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